Lost In Cuts
by Arekushisu
Summary: what would happen if our favorite litlle pretear Himeno, was a cutter? What would happen if she went too far? What would happen if our favorite little knight of wind Hayate, found out? Rating switched to Mature for languge and some violence. FIRST FANFIC!
1. just the beginning

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I wrote this because for some reason I have some kind of fascination with self mutilation… weird I guess...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pretear, duh.**

**Lost In Cuts**

Himeno held the blood-stained piece of metal in her hands nervously. It seemed almost sinister, sitting in her palm glinting dangerously in the bathroom light. She saw her face's reflection distorted in the lifeless surface. She couldn't put a finger on it, but something felt wrong. She wasn't scared… what could this feeling be? Maybe she was nervous that one of the Leafe knights being the idiots they are would walk in on her or something.

Himeno stood again for the fifth or sixth time and assured herself the door was locked. She shrugged off the strange sensation nonchalantly. She walked back over to the bathtub and sat down on the edge. Slowly she pulled up her long, white sleeve. Himeno looked at her arm but barely gave any sign of recognition to the scars leading a little more than halfway up her arm. Without hesitation she slid the razor across her arm gracefully. She whimpered softly at the welcome, yet familiar stab of pain.

She thought about Hayate. 'He is such an ass, always pushing me away and calling me names like that. How could I love him?' Himeno thought as she pushed the blade down harder than she intended. "Damn." She said quietly. Blood began to pour down her arm in a steady flow. Her mind seemed to scream out for her to move. She grabbed a small towel from a rack by the toilet and applied pressure to the deep wound. All she could think about was her and Hayate's argument earlier that day. Himeno then hastily dropped the towel and unpredictably became extremely violent. She jumped up quickly and knocked several items off the counter. She threw her purple hairdryer at the mirror and it promptly shattered deafeningly. Himeno screamed and grabbed the blade roughly managing to cut her palm. Then raising the blade to her arm, she sliced again and again. Pushing the razor even harder while thinking about how complicated her life has become, she kicked the bathroom door with tremendous vigor, causing it to crack. Himeno felt unbearable pain everywhere, both emotionally and physically. Then as quickly as the vicious spell began, it stopped as she realized what appalling damage she was doing to herself. "Oh my god…" she whispered as she came crashing back to Earth.

Himeno began to feel weak and lightheaded. 'If I keep losing it like that I will kill myself… not that I care...' Himeno swayed a bit and looked at the blood on the floor. She gasped loudly. Her pale arm was almost leaking with brilliant scarlet droplets. 'How bad am I bleeding? Oh no…' She quietly looked at the lacerations and stared horrified at the blood gushing from the self inflicted gashes.

There was a knock on the door. "Who… is… it?" Himeno stammered as she grasped the sink for support. "Are you all right in there Himeno? I heard you scream… and loud noises…" The voice of Hayate said worriedly. "It's okay…I'm…all…" Himeno couldn't speak anymore. It felt as if all the air was being sucked out of her by a super powered vacuum cleaner. She was barely able to move at all. She gripped the sink even tighter as she gasped for air "Help me… please…" She panted. Hayate heard this and immediately blasted the bathroom door down with an enormous burst of wind. "What the…" He began but froze when he saw the pool of crimson blood at Himeno's feet. "Himeno! What the hell…" He croaked. All Himeno could do was silently mouth the words _I'm sorry I'm such a failure, Hayate.._. Himeno let out a deep breath as her eyes went blank and her face went emotionless as she sank to the floor. Hayate finally regained movement and sprang forward to catch her.

"No… Himeno, what have you done to yourself?" Hayate sobbed quietly as he held her while he knelt in her blood. Hayate looked down at her arms with the numerous scars and the many fresh incisions. "Why?" He whispered into her fiery orangish-pink hair. He hurriedly stood up as he realized she was bleeding to death. Hayate and Himeno disappeared in a flash of blue light.

A few seconds later

Hayate appeared in front of the Awayuki Hospital holding Himeno in his arms gently. "Don't worry Himeno I'll save you, I promise." Hayate said solemnly. He ran to the hospital's glass doors and kicked them open. "SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!" he shouted. A bunch of doctors bustled over with a stretcher. Hayate delicately placed Himeno on it and noticed the solid trail of blood that she left leading from the entrance. Hayate also noticed the ghastly burgundy stains that now decorated the formerly white sheet on the stretcher. One doctor looked at Himeno's arms, another hooked her up to a machine, and yet another told Hayate to wait in the lobby. "Sir, please take a seat over there." said a short and balding doctor. "no." replied Hayate sternly. "I assure you, she will be fine." The man stated blankly.

"I have to be there for her now…. I never even knew." Hayate said more to himself than to the doctor. The man sighed, "Alright you can stay then." The doctors wheeled Himeno through a set of large doors with small windows and signs marked: "KEEP DOORS CLOSED". Hayate followed cautiously. "Wait in the hall while we change her clothes, examine her, and bandage her up. You can sit in one of those chairs." said the same man from before as he pointed a finger to some small chairs. Hayate nodded and sat in an orange chair opposite from the room Himeno was taken into. He sighed softly and remembered the harsh words he said to her earlier. 'Baka.' He thought.

**FLASHBACK**

_Himeno skipped through the garden happily. She suddenly tripped over a branch and fell down with a thud. "Oops! Oh, hello Hayate!" She chirped loudly and giggled. Hayate stood on the path in front of her. "Baka. You can't even walk without messing up." He declared blankly. "I tripped that's all…" She said the smile quickly fading from her delicate features. "You're such an idiot Tulip head. You are a complete failure." He said angrily and smirked. Himeno mistook his smirk and thought he was kidding. "Hayate you shouldn't play such cruel jokes on me, oh and by the way, DON'T CALL ME TULIP HEAD!" She said loudly. "It wasn't a joke **Tulip head**. You really are a failure, both as pretear and as a human being. Why can't you just disappear, maybe the whole world could have a small breath of relief that way!" Himeno's eyes began to swim with large tears as she turned silently and walked away. Hayate could hear her hushed sobbing. And mentally cursed himself._

**END FLASHBACK**

'I shouldn't have taken my anger out on her. I was just in a bad mood because Sessame had been bugging me about confessing my love to her. I'm such an asshole.' Hayate thought. The doctor Hayate had spoken with previously waved his hand in front of his face. "You know, the psyche ward is the next building over to the left." The man chuckled softly. Hayate glared at him severely. The man cleared his throat and murmured an apology. "You can see her now… she just woke up from unconsciousness, so she may seem a tad strange."

** TBC?**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: So… let me know if I should keep going. I'm debating if I should continue with Himeno angst or if I should let her be hyperactively happy… Let me know, Kay? R&R plz.**


	2. Near Death Experiences

Author's note: No _darkblinds_ there isn't anything I'm not telling you but, you really should read my stories! Also, thanx so much for the lovely reviews _cell-mate666_, _rinoa1565_,_ Big City_, and _Kimkizna_! I'm a busy person so sorry for the time it took to update; I'll try to move the story along faster. When I write this story it takes a bit of a dark mood, I suppose you can understand. Well keep up the fantastic reviews!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Pretear. (If I did it would have more angsty fluff to it, lol.)

Near Death Experiences

what was happening in Himeno's mind while she was unconscious

_Himeno sobbed as she sat in a small dark room with concrete walls. "HELP!" She screamed. Her voice reverberated off the walls and left a terrible screeching noise behind. She choked on wracking sobs as she struggled to move. 'Is this hell?' She wondered. Suddenly she was back in the bathroom at her mansion. She looked around at the blood soaked floor. She heard a horrifying gagging sound and turned to see Hayate hanging from the door frame." So this is how Himeno felt as she died" He fought to say. He smiled strangely while he breathed out slowly. The life disappeared from his eyes as Himeno stared sickened at what she was seeing. She collapsed to the cold linoleum and cried the hardest she had ever done in her life. "No. No. No. No. No. Please NO!" She whispered insanely. She closed her eyes tightly attempting to shut out the image of Hayate hanging there lifelessly. When she gained enough courage to open them again she was in a hospital room._

With Hayate after Himeno woke up

Hayate quickly stood and walked into Himeno's room. "Himeno!" He said smiling.

Himeno turned her head towards the door to look at him. Her face was pale and distraught looking. "Hayate... is it really you?" she said hoarsely.

"Of course. Himeno, are you feeling any better?" Hayate said worriedly.

"I think so…" Himeno jumped up but regretted doing so immediately after. She cried out in pain while she crumbled to the floor. Hayate rushed to her side and began lifting her gently.

Himeno remembered everything in a flash. She swatted his hands away and stood slowly. "I'm not that useless, I can at least stand up on my own." She said angrily.

"Himeno, I didn't mean…" Hayate began nervously. "Shut…UP! I don't have time for your bullshit Hayate! You've already said all you needed to say, I'll _disappear_ for you!" Himeno screamed and ran towards the door painfully.

Her legs burned like fire from the strain of holding herself up. "Wait Himeno!" Hayate said loudly. Himeno slowly turned to face him and tapped her foot impatiently. "I'm sorry Himeno. I really am!" Hayate pleaded.

"Sure you are. You're the god of perfection! Hayate, the amazing Knight of wind." Himeno snarled dangerously. She walked up to him and slapped him across the face. "I hate you." With that she spun around and stormed out the door. There were muffled voices yelling outside as Himeno exited the room. "Miss Awayuki! You shouldn't be walking; it's very risky to even be sitting up right now!"

Hayate barely heard anything as he touched the throbbing red mark on his face dumbstruck. Somehow her slap hurt much worse than her punch.

"LET ME GO" Himeno screamed as doctors swarmed around her pulling her back to her room where Hayate stood in the doorway watching, unable to move. Himeno felt a strange feeling bubbling up inside her.

The feeling exploded and she knocked the irritating doctors away with an outburst of kicking and punching. Himeno got a burst of adrenaline and began to run down the long hallway towards the reception area.

Hayate quickly chased after her. 'How the HELL is she moving so fast?' Hayate thought as he nearly caught up to her.

Himeno looked over her shoulder and skidded to a halt while facing Hayate ominously. "Stop following me Asshole." She spat. "Him- Himeno…why are you doing this?" He asked as he took a step backwards. "Are you afraid of a little worthless pretear, mister perfect?" She said acidly.

Himeno punched the nearest window, effectively smashing it. She grabbed a piece of glass and cut a long gash down the side of her face. "Do you get a sick twist of pleasure when you see me hurt myself?" Himeno stated, her voice dripping with malice. "No way! What are you talking about Himeno! Please stop!" Hayate cried and leap forward and grabbed her hand.

He didn't realize in doing so he cut her injured palm. Himeno instantly dropped the bloody glass and shrieked in pain. Hayate let go of her wounded hand and gasped. "I never thought you hated me that much.. To actually, physically hurt me Hayate… Maybe I mean nothing to you…" Himeno said remorsefully. She gradually turned to face the broken window.

She glanced down to the busy street below. Hayate felt the knot in his stomach tighten as he watched her look intensely down at the city. The window was about 5 stories high. She looked determined as she silently swung her legs over the glass covered ledge and readied herself to jump.

"Himeno!" Hayate cried and grabbed her upper arms tightly. "Let go or your going down with me." Himeno said wickedly. "I can't let you. Nobody is jumping out this window." Hayate said quietly.

"Well, I guess nobody is me." Himeno pulled away from Hayate's grip and flew gracefully away from the ledge. She soared downwards with her back to the ground. Himeno yelled to warn people below, she didn't want anyone to break her fall.

Hayate watched Himeno's stomach-churning decent not able to move. She seemed to be floating, a malevolent gleam in her eyes.

'Come on body, MOVE!' Hayate thought with panic clutching his heart. His eyes widened. "Why… Why can't I move?" He whispered desperately.

Himeno's eyes flickered slightly as she watched Hayate. "Goodbye…" She said quietly.

But then, something in Himeno's mind clicked if only for only a second. 'I don't want to die!' Her face ran freely with glistening tears.

"HAYATE!" A bloodcurdling scream rang out of the stunned silence.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow! A bit of a cliffy there. I modified this chapter a bit, I think it was for the best. I am satisfied for now. I'll try to update soon! R&R kay?


	3. Backing Down

**A/N:** Sorry it took me a while to update! I didn't know what to write for a while. Don't worry I figured it out! (I think...) Ah well, on with the story! P.S.- lots of swearing in this chappy! Hee hee!

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Pretear. (If I did it would have more angsty fluff to it, lol.)

**BACKING DOWN**

Hayate's blood ran cold as Himeno called out his name. 'She needs my help! But, I can't move… what am I going to do?' He gasped as white hot pain seared through his heart. "HIMENO!" He leapt through the window after Himeno.

Hayate caught her in his strong arms in midair. "Gotcha." He mumbled delicately. He transported them to the ground in a vibrant flare of cerulean light.

As quickly as it had come on, Himeno's will to live had dissipated once more. She swiftly grew extremely furious. Himeno was becoming the Princess of Disaster, and she was welcoming the power.

Hayate moved to set her down and smiled at her with joy shining in his eyes. "Himeno, I'm so happy that you came around."

She finally had enough of this. Her feet touched the ground gracefully as a sharp sword appeared. Without hesitation she grabbed the hilt. Hayate stepped in front of her, stunned. "H-how...?" was all he could gasp as Himeno lashed out at him.

Hayate darted out of the way just in time. He conjured the wind sword and stood in a blocking stance. "Fight me, you god damned coward!" Himeno called tauntingly.

"I won't fight you." He said vacantly. His thick bangs fell to cover his heartbroken eyes. 'What is happening to her?'

"Fine I'll kill you then!" Himeno thrusted her sword forward, missing by inches. She struck again, this time Hayate blocked with his own weapon. "STOP THIS!" Hayate yelped as she swiped at him relentlessly.

"You made me who I am, you can't cover it up. Pretending I'm not real won't hide the truth!" She grazed the tip of her weapon along his leg. Hayate staggered a little but managed to hit her sword out of her hands.

She yelled in rage as the sword disappeared. It was replaced by a long purple whip with sharp barbs on the tip. She gave two blows before pausing.

"Hayate, why won't you fight me? Can't you see I'm trying to fucking KILL YOU?" She said gradually elevating her voice to a scream.

Hayate silently stepped forward. Quickly Himeno seized the chance to disable him. Her whip wrapped around his sword and she jerked it forcefully. Hayate was defenseless as the wind sword clattered to the ground noisily behind Himeno.

She let out a menacing laugh but Hayate just stood there with his head lowered. Himeno charged at Hayate but he didn't move.

"I WANT YOU TO FIGHT ME YOU FUCKING DUMB ASS!" Himeno yelled while she battered him. He fell to his knees with a groan of pain.

Hayate slowly lifted his face to look at Himeno. She stepped back in surprise. "What? Why?!" she said regretfully.

Hayate's eyes were filled with tears as he looked at the Pretear that had stolen his heart brokenly. "Please stop Himeno… please…" He whispered sorrowfully. Himeno dropped to her knees as well. Hayate's beaten body hit Himeno hard. "Did I really… Did I really do… all this?" she mumbled to herself.

It pained Hayate to see her looking so lost. 'Himeno…' His heart felt empty. Himeno suffered when she saw the look on Hayate's face. She was suddenly weak as she swayed slightly.

Hayate slowly rose to a kneeling position. He stood slowly with hurt in his eyes. Stumbling, he limped over to Himeno and dropped down to her eyelevel.

Her fiery eyes were shrouded in shadow as tears slid down her pale cheeks. Hayate lifted her chin with his hand and stroked her hair softly. Then Hayate unexpectedly tackled her into an embrace. Himeno's eyes enlarged in surprise as he tightened his grip.

"Himeno come back to me. I- I love you!" Hayate stuttered. She stood up rapidly, pulling herself away from him. "I don't… understand…" Himeno fell into Hayate's strong arms as everything went black.

**A/N:** Well… I think there will be one more chapter… criticism welcome. R&R, Kay!


	4. Forever and a Day

**A/N:** Okay, last chapter. Get to reading and reviewing people!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Pretear. Isn't it sad?

Forever and a Day

Hayate gasped for air and held Himeno tightly. '_I'm hurt pretty bad. She got me good…_' he thought as the gash on his leg throbbed.

Hayate glanced around and realized that he was clutching Himeno in the middle of a busy sidewalk. His stomach dropped as a crowd of men and couple of scarcely dressed women gathered around them quickly. '_Seems like a bad part of town, I gotta get out of here…_' They formed a tight circle around the two, each person's face molded with the same gaping mouth and ogling eyes.

"What did you do to her you creep?!?" A woman shouted from the back of the group. The mass gasped and screamed as Hayate set Himeno down and stood slowly.

"BACK UP!!!" a man standing on the inside ring of the circle hollered. "He's probably a rapist, look at the poor girl!"

Hayate snarled and walked up to the man. He lifted his fist as to hit the man but hesitated.

The man smirked and stepped forward. "Watch out you sadistic asshole. You don't want that pretty face of yours all beat up." Hayate struggled to control his rapidly rising temper.

"Huh, maybe he isn't a rapist, maybe the girl is just a whore. Heh heh, she has to be… hey, you finished with her pretty boy? I might want to take her for a ride." A few other men snickered at the thought. The man smirked and walked past the fuming Hayate.

"Hold pretty boy back! I'm going to rouse the girl." the rival barked to his comrades as he knelt next to Himeno's slumbering form. A group of sniggering men snatched Hayate's arms and held onto him tightly.

The evil man trailed a dirty finger up Himeno's thigh pushing back her skirt a few inches. The man grunted and stroked her flesh suggestively. Hayate attempted to wrestle away from the men as he yelled at the perverse man. "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIMENO!" The men restrained him and put a hand over his mouth.

"Heh heh. Himeno… hmm, cute name for a slut. Time to wake her up so I can see the scared look in her eyes, like a frightened animal." With this he slapped Himeno across the face violently, affectively waking her. She sat up with a jolt and yelped as the man pushed her backwards onto the sidewalk roughly.

"What's going on?" She asked fearfully. The man smiled disgustingly and bent down so Himeno could feel his putrid breath on her face. "You going to be my little slave while your boyfriend here watches. Would you like that you brainless bitch?"

Himeno screamed as he placed his lips on her forcefully and groped her freely. She spit in his face angrily and scrambled out of his strong grasp. The man wasn't going to let her get away that easily. He grabbed her hair and pulled her backwards again. Himeno looked around at the smiling faces desperately.

She struggled to get free but to no avail. At that moment her horrified, tear filled eyes met Hayate's spiteful ones. "Hayate! Please do something…" Himeno said unevenly as the man began to unbutton her shirt.

Hayate saw red as he heard her distressed voice. He blasted the men that were gripping him away with a detonation of wind energy. "Himeno!" he yelled as he rushed to her aid.

The man that dared to touch his Himeno stood up to face him boldly. Hayate instantly punched him in the nose, knocking him out cold. Hayate brought his leg back and kicked his foot into the ribcage of the grotesque man on the ground. Himeno wrapped her arms around his chest and screamed into his back.

"HAYATE! Stop this please! Leave him, he's not worth it!" Hayate stopped himself from kicking the man again and turned towards the quivering Himeno. She looked up into his eyes earnestly and buried her face in his chest in horror of what was happening.

He decided that if he stayed he might end up killing someone; so instead he merely lifted the terrorized Himeno into his arms and disappeared in a burst of light. The couple reappeared and they were in Leafania.

The moon in the parallel world was full and bright. Hayate set Himeno down in the patch of tall grass where they had landed. She gazed around silently but then decided to go to sleep because she felt so exhausted. "Go to sleep" was the last thing she heard before she was fast asleep.

Hayate gazed around himself solemnly. Everything was so serene here that he had to smile. The moon and the stars were the only light provided to him. He began to speak tenderly to the night. "This is so beautiful. I wish we could share it together for the rest of our lives. I love you with all my heart and I don't mean any of the terrible things I say. Forgive me. Goodnight my Himeno." He stretched out next to her and was sound asleep instantaneously.

**Morning**

Himeno awoke first and found herself nestled against something warm and breathing. She scooted away in surprise but relaxed as she realized it was only Hayate. '_Humph, he sure does like to sleep_'

Himeno rested an arm on his chest sweetly and closed her eyes. She though of everything that had happened between her and Hayate and scowled desolately.

She buried her face in his arm and pleaded silently for him to forgive her. "Hayate, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean all those awful things I did and said. I let my depression rule over my body. I almost became a princess of Disaster! The vile man almost raped me and I was helpless. I hope that you can find the compassion in your heart to still be my friend. You see the truth is that I love you too. You're almost…" Himeno trailed off her whispered one-sided conversation with a dazed look in her eyes. She pushed her self upwards and looked down at his calm face in wonder. "Perfect…" She muttered under her halting breath.

Hayate shifted his position and his eyes flickered open. Himeno gasped and looked into his lively orbs. "Hayate… Sorry for waking you I-"

He smiled up at her shocked expression."Good morning. I love you Himeno." he stated simply and happily. Himeno gasped again and stared at him, hoping it wasn't a dream.

As if answering her pleas he placed his lips on hers in a sweet kiss that made her heart soar. '_This couldn't be a dream._' Hayate deepened the kiss but only for a moment before he drew away from her lush lips, blushing a deep red.

Himeno could only utter the truth as his eyes searched her soul for a response. "I love you too Hayate. Always have, always will." He grinned in pure ecstasy and wrapped his arms around her body, forcing her to topple onto his chest.

Himeno tensed and relaxed in the same instant and felt the most sincere love she had ever known. It was like an alternate reality. Hayate beamed and pushed her away to look at her beautiful face intently. He had to assure himself that he wasn't dead and in heaven. "I love you." Hayate fixated his smoldering eyes on her blazing ones hopefully. "I love you too." Himeno said quietly as she kissed him passionately. "Forever and a day."

**Owari**

**A/N:**Well, I've finally finished it. Idk if I like it but, it's been on my conscience for a long time. Hope you enjoyed my fan fiction! Next in line an InuYasha fan fiction. Ciao!

P/S: Review please. I like to have an ego boost every once in a while!

Arekushisu


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